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A belated meditation report, written during sitting in meditation on April 7 2018 in Dharamshala India:<\/p>\n
A uncut and unpolished piece of diamond quality rock.<\/p>\n
Notes while sitting, sat april 7 at just before 02.00<\/p>\n
Am evaluating on porn.
\nWatching porn compares to eating in a vast tempo virtual sweets.
\nTime to honor especially in relation to this my recently so nicely expressed virtue:
\n‘being oversensitive is a form of precision’.<\/p>\n
The overdone way i have been watching porn lately is only possible by being overtly neglectent to a series of subleties.
\nThis resulting in a mode of verlamming in a apparently incredibly strong and also just apparently impossibility to step out of the bubble and feel the consequences of this.
\n‘In the cinema you forget that it is a movie’ becomes in fact a lie when there is at the same time awareness of it.
\nThen it gets traits of verraad \/ treachery?
\nResponsible for the constant undertone of onbetamelijkheid.
\nDat zit hem dus niet in het kijken naar blote poolse meisjes zoals Reinoud steeds zegt.
\nDat aspect is er ook.
\nMaar dat heb ik steeds weggerationaliseerd, en met redenen.
\nThe real onbetamelijkheid is toward myself: the not completely honouring of what I know. The not fully honouring of the oversensitive precision that I am, I have, there is.<\/p>\n
Tot zover even. 02.15. Weer zitten.
\n(Dit nadert of is de afronding van weer een verslaving).<\/p>\n
Inmiddels 02.45
\nNet halfje codeine genomen.
\nOm wat dieper te slapen.
\nIk ben glashelder wakker.<\/p>\n
The last half hour i have seen how all this works: i am is unlimited in all ways. Not even expressible.
\nYet, as soon as there is something added, i am .., then suddenly it gets, on the subtlest energy level, as a thought form, as a thought thought form, as a almost immaterial soap bubble, a limitation, a limitation in the form of the form itself. Suddenly there is this thought ‘I am ..’ and then the virtual thought I, this ‘I am ..’,\u00a0 is inside this bubble that the thought is. It comes with a self evident besef that the inside of the bubble is seperate from the rest of All. It also comes with a unreflected knowing that this bubble has to be kept intact. The vritti has, as it were, as if, a inbuild immune system energy.<\/p>\n
Here it comes in handy that I have learned to change the dream.
\n(And what a strong resistence there was in me to this idea!! Why change a dream at all!! You can just be aware and be the witness!! Yes that is true, and this attitude makes changing unsatisfying habits rather impossible. It comes with a feeling of helplessness too).<\/p>\n
Now the vritti, the moderation in mind, can be deconstructed, just by touching it the soap bubble will go back to what it already was: consciousness, pure consciousness.
\nThe virtual difference between inside and outside will dissolve. Just by the knowingness of I am. Of zoiets.
\nMooi allemaal.
\nSlapen.
\n3.10<\/p>\n
Slept till 8.20.
\nSung for half an hour.
\nSaw now clearly that the evaluative morning thinking just happens, unhindered by and while the joyfull and playfull singing.
\nDecided to go along with the in the dreamstate already looked at idea to publish this notes.
\n‘For myself, as a statement, and for the few out there that will recognize and appreciate the precision in it.
\n(I am aware thereoff that this last sentence also has a statementlike content).<\/p>\n
Recently, with the suddenly having disappeared Australian couple and this young lady that I saw again in the performance of the students of the Butoh school the day before yesterday,\u00a0 i was present when they had a conversation about all this nicely polished little stones that she had bought and showed us. I could only participate by being honest. So I told them that I don’t feel any difference between a diamond and a brick. We even talked about the Arunachala. Many people are strongly touched by it. For me it is just a giant heap of rock.
\nJust to explain the title of this:
\nA uncut and unpolished piece of diamond quality rock.<\/p>\n
Mcleodganj 2018.<\/p>\n
PS.
\nVerlamming = paralyses
\nVerraad = betrayal, treachery
\nOnbetamelijkheid = impertinence
\nBesef = notion
\nNeglectant = negligent<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
A belated meditation report, written during sitting in meditation on April 7 2018 in Dharamshala India: A uncut and unpolished piece of diamond quality rock. Notes while sitting, sat april 7 at just before 02.00 Am evaluating on porn. Watching … Continue reading